Reading a College-Entrance Essay

By Anonymous (not verified), 12 March, 2026
Unit Lesson Body

Reading a College-Entrance Essay

Before you try your hand at writing a college-entrance essay, you should review a sample writing prompt and the essay that one student wrote in response. Note how the student uses the PAST strategy to analyze the prompt and develop an on-target response.

Reading a Student Model

Read the following prompt and the student's PAST analysis.

College-Entrance Writing Prompt

Our school motto is "Preparing the students of today to be the leaders of tomorrow." Leaders come in many forms, large and small. Write an essay that tells what leadership means to you and describes how you have shown leadership in your school and community. Provide specific examples and write about how you will show leadership when you join our campus community.

  • Purpose: Why am I writing? (to tell what leadership means to me and show with specific examples)
  • Audience: Who am I writing to? (admissions officers)
  • Subject: What am I writing about? (leadership)
  • Type: What form should my writing take? (essay)

Now read one student's response to the prompt. The student builds a beginning paragraph, multiple body paragraphs, and an ending paragraph. The writer uses a variety of details, describing accomplishments and including anecdotes that prove his point. The voice sounds friendly, confident, and enthusiastic. Click on the side notes to study the features of the response.

Listen to "Leadership"

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Sample Response to a College-Entrance Prompt

Beginning Paragraph Filthy, sweaty, and exhausted, we had just finished cleaning up flood devastation at the Veterans’ Terrace Building after the Great Burlington Flood of 2017. Unfortunately, my only route home lay across a bridge the National Guard had closed. Governor Walker, Representative Vos, and Mayor Hefty had surveyed the damage and started to cross the bridge. I went with them, helping Mayor Hefty onto the sidewalk. This came naturally: We had known each other for my three years in city government. Thesis Statement Experiences like this have imprinted on me the need for leaders in times of crisis and have shaped my goals for the future.

Middle Paragraphs I am a leader in my school: President of the National Honor Society, Vice-President of Student Government, and Chairman and Founder of the Teacher Appreciation Committee. Anecdotes I founded this committee to address the problem of teacher morale at my school. Through our efforts, including a “Teacher of the Month Award” and “Dress as Your Favorite Teacher Day,” we have made Burlington High School a better place to teach. In addition to these leadership roles, I have served on the Danish Exchange Planning Commission. This group has organized the exchange of students between Burlington, Wisconsin, and Roskilde, Denmark. At our school, I hosted Laura Lund-Knudsen and later represented my school and community when I stayed with her family in Denmark. While in Denmark, I soaked in European culture and customs, and viewed my own country from a new perspective. The next year, I hosted Nikolaj Jensen-Holm in our home for a week. Examples My experience has helped me better understand what it means to be an American and how to participate as a citizen of the world.

Accomplishments In addition to my school leadership, I have served extensively in my community. Though my school requires only 40 community service hours, I will graduate with over 200. I've served for three years as a student representative in my city government. Through the local branch of the American Legion, I represented my community at 2017 Badger Boys State. There, I became the mayor of my town and the county executive of my county, and I ran for governor of the state. Through this experience, I learned the importance of self-confidence, vision, collaboration, and respect. Badger Boys State has selected me to serve as a counselor for the 2018 session. I look forward to mentoring this year's juniors as they participate in a “week to change a lifetime.”

I have also discovered that one of the best ways to lead is to volunteer. I have donated blood multiple times as well as volunteered at several drives. At Madison, I hope to continue to donate and work with the American Red Cross to help those in need. Because I have benefited from many theater and music experiences, I have given back by volunteering at the CATHE Community Center Fundraiser, at Chocolate Fest, and at Tall Tales Music Festival. Through these and other events, I have helped raise thousands of dollars for these programs, which will allow younger students to discover their passions.

Goals and Plans These leadership experiences prepare me for a lofty goal. I aspire one day to serve my state and nation as a senator. During my undergraduate studies in pre-law, I hope to intern with my local representative, Robin Vos, or with another public servant at the Capitol in Madison. I also would like to join the Alexander Hamilton Society, engaging in political debate to sharpen my thinking, trade ideas with others, and hone my speaking skills. After graduating, I plan to run for local office myself while attending law school. Once I have my board certification, I hope to mount a state campaign, aiming to serve as an assembly person. To represent my home city and region at the state capitol would be a humbling honor. I want to keep my area growing, but doing so gradually and organically, balancing the needs of the environment with those of industry and housing. I also want to work with like-minded public servants on both sides of the aisle, trying to break down the partisan divide that has split our country. After serving Wisconsin for many years, I hope to represent my home state in Washington.

Ending Paragraph In times of crisis, we all need strong leaders. However, leaders aren’t created by crisis; they are created by daily decisions to work hard, to help others, and to know the people they represent. In the next few years, I will continue to do all these things at college, in my community, and for my nation.

Respond to the college-entrance essay.

Answer these questions about the reading.

  1. How does the writer capture the admission officer's attention in the beginning paragraph?
  2. What topic does the writer address in each middle paragraph?
  3. This response sounds friendly and humble while also listing many accomplishments. How does the writer avoid sounding arrogant or pompous?

Teaching Tip

Help students realize that the key features in the model response can inspire them as they create their own college-entrance essays. Emphasize the need to answer the prompt, support the focus with specific factual details, and create a friendly and confident voice that does not sound arrogant.

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Respond to the College-Entrance Essay
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Name:

Date:

Answer these questions about the reading.

1. How does the writer capture the admission officer's attention in the beginning paragraph?

 

2. What topic does the writer address in each middle paragraph?

3. This response sounds friendly and humble while also listing many accomplishments. How does the writer avoid sounding arrogant or pompous?

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