Revising Classification Essays
Finishing the first draft of an essay is an important milestone, but a first draft isn't a final draft. Next, you need to revise, making improvements to the ideas, organization, and voice of your work. These activities will help you improve the unity and coherence of your paragraphs.
Revising for Paragraph Unity
Focusing on one idea in a paragraph is called unity. For example, the sentences in each paragraph in your essay should focus on the category mentioned in the paragraph’s topic sentence. A paragraph lacks unity when it includes ideas that do not relate to its topic sentence. In the example paragraph below, the topic sentence is in bold type, and an unrelated idea is deleted.
Percussion instruments provide rhythm and many of the interesting sounds you hear during musical performances. Percussionists make sounds by striking, shaking, or scraping their instruments. Drums, cymbals, xylophones, and maracas are examples of percussion instruments. Surprisingly, the piano is a percussion instrument, too. Another keyboard instrument is the pipe organ, but sound on a pipe organ is made when air goes through pipes. The percussion section in an orchestra varies in size depending on the requirements of the music that is being performed.
Create paragraph unity.
Read the passages below. If every sentence belongs, write “U” for unity on the line provided. If a passage lacks unity, cross out the sentence that does not belong.
- Poison ivy is an enemy of campers and other nature lovers. It contains an oil that irritates the skin. The oil gets onto the skin when the plant’s leaf is crushed. Walking through or on top of poison ivy can release the oil. You can easily recognize poison ivy because it usually grows as a vine and has compound leaves made up of three leaflets each.
Poison sumac is also a problem for campers.Poison ivy is an enemy of campers and other nature lovers. It contains an oil that irritates the skin. The oil gets onto the skin when the plant’s leaf is crushed. Walking through or on top of poison ivy can release the oil. You can easily recognize poison ivy because it usually grows as a vine and has compound leaves made up of three leaflets each. Poison sumac is also a problem for campers. - One popular winter sport is ice-skating. Ice-skating is fun and inexpensive. Many community rinks charge only a small price for admission and skate rental. Not everyone is a champion, but almost anyone can enjoy skating. It just requires a little strength, some agility, and most important, a good sense of humor about falling.
- Nerve cells are responsible for some important functions in the human body. They conduct electrical impulses from the brain to different parts of the body. They also transport information from the sense organs to the brain.
Blood cells transport oxygen through the veins to every part of the body.Without nerve cells, you wouldn’t be able to move, see, hear, feel, smell, or taste. Because nerve cells also move information around the brain, you couldn’t think without them either! Nerve cells are responsible for some important functions in the human body. They conduct electrical impulses from the brain to different parts of the body. They also transport information from the sense organs to the brain. Blood cells transport oxygen through the veins to every part of the body. Without nerve cells, you wouldn’t be able to move, see, hear, feel, smell, or taste. Because nerve cells also move information around the brain, you couldn’t think without them either!
Revise for unity.
Carefully reread your classification essay, watching for any sentences that don't belong. Delete any extra information to create paragraph unity.
Teaching Tip
Unity is especially important in classification essays, which focus on correctly sorting ideas into separate categories. By helping students improve paragraph unity, you also help them improve their thinking.
Revising for Paragraph Coherence
When the ideas in a paragraph flow naturally from one to the next, the paragraph is coherent. Jumbled ideas with no particular order or flow are incoherent. When you revise your essay, you should make sure that every paragraph (category) not only focuses on one thing (unity), but also explores that topic in a logical way.
If a paragraph lacks coherence, you can fix it in a number of ways:
- Use order of location. Arrange details from front to back, or near to far, or left to right, or top to bottom. ("Head to Toe Protection" uses this approach.)
- Use time order. Organize details from ancient times to modern day, or from basic forms to more advanced ones. ("Centuries of Protection" uses this pattern.)
- Use order of importance. Order details by starting with the least important or interesting and moving to the most. ("Skulkers, Stinkers, and Sloughers" has this organization.)
- Use logical organization. Make statements, give definitions, provide examples, and connect thinking using logical transitions. (The percussion paragraph above uses this pattern.)
Reorganize for coherence.
Read the paragraph below, which lacks coherence because it does not follow time order. On the blank in front of each body sentence, write a number to indicate the order that the sentence should appear.
Most musicologists believe that human beings created percussion instruments before any other kind of instrument. ( 4 ) As early as 7,500 years ago, people created slit drums out of hollowed logs with an H-shaped groove in the top, leaving two tongues of varied thickness, allowing for different pitches. ( 3 ) Human beings also fashioned rattles from dried cane stalks with pebbles sealed inside, some of which date to 11,000 years ago. ( 1 ) The oldest percussion instruments date back 165,000 years, stones shaped and pitted and scored by use. ( 2 ) After these stone instruments, humans also began fashioning drums, such as a 37,000-year-old elephant-skin drum discovered in Africa. ( 6 ) In the modern era, percussion exploded with all manner of drums, cymbals, tambourines, chimes, castanets, and even Boomwhackers, which are hollow plastic tubes at different pitches. ( 5 ) And the oldest known xylophone, dating back 2,000 years, places wooden bars above resonating gourds that give different pitches. Who knows what sorts of percussion instruments await us in the future?
Most musicologists believe that human beings created percussion instruments before any other kind of instrument. ( _ ) As early as 7,500 years ago, people created slit drums out of hollowed logs with an H-shaped groove in the top, leaving two tongues of varied thickness, allowing for different pitches. ( _ ) Human beings also fashioned rattles from dried cane stalks with pebbles sealed inside, some of which date to 11,000 years ago. ( _ ) The oldest percussion instruments date back 165,000 years, stones shaped and pitted and scored by use. ( _ ) After these stone instruments, humans also began fashioning drums, such as a 37,000-year-old elephant-skin drum discovered in Africa. ( _ ) In the modern era, percussion exploded with all manner of drums, cymbals, tambourines, chimes, castanets, and even Boomwhackers, which are hollow plastic tubes at different pitches. ( _ ) And the oldest known xylophone, dating back 2,000 years, places wooden bars above resonating gourds that give different pitches. Who knows what sorts of percussion instruments await us in the future?
Revising with a Peer Response
Share your writing.
Have a trusted classmate read your essay and complete the form.
Revising in Action
When you revise, you add, delete, rewrite, and rearrange your writing to make it clearer. Here are revisions to the "Skulkers, Stinkers, and Sloughers" essay.
-
Paragraph Before Revisions
-
A coherence and unity are improved.
-
Paragraph After Revisions
Revise with a checklist.
Read each line. When you can answer each question with a yes, check it off.
Ideas
- Do I have an interesting topic with multiple parts or categories?
- Are my focus statement and topic sentences clear?
- Do all paragraphs have unity?
Organization
- Does the beginning identify my topic and the parts I will explain?
- Do I include three or four middle paragraphs that each focus on only one part or category?
- Do the middle paragraphs have coherence?
- Does the ending sum up what I explained and make a final observation?
Voice
- Do I sound knowledgeable about my subject?
- Is my voice appropriate to the topic and audience?
Word Choice
- Do I use specific nouns and active verbs?
- Have I cut any wordiness?
Sentence Fluency
- Do I have a variety of sentence lengths and beginnings?
- Do my sentences read smoothly?