Editing for Pronoun Agreement

A pronoun is used in place of a noun or another pronoun. The word that the pronoun refers to is called an antecedent. Pronouns and antecedents must agree. This means that they must both be singular or they must both be plural. It also means that the gender should match. Here are some examples.

1. That linebacker should pay more attention to their diet. That linebacker should pay more attention to his diet.
2. Teenagers think that he or she can eat poorly and not get sick. Teenagers think that they can eat poorly and not get sick.
3. My friends believe they can eat chips for breakfast and lunch. My friends believe they can eat chips for breakfast and lunch.
4. Tess knows junk food affects their health. Tess knows junk food affects her health.
5. Sickly people may get well just by changing his or her diet. Sickly people may get well just by changing their diet.
6. Doctors tell patients to put fruits and vegetables on their plates every day. Doctors tell patients to put fruits and vegetables on their plates every day.
7. Those boys put too much food on his plates. Those boys put too much food on their plates.
8. Bev trusted his own diet plan. Bev trusted her own diet plan.
9. Many people try to watch his weight. Many people try to watch their weight.
10. Charlie always eats the food he takes. Charlie always eats the food he takes.

Revising to Appeal to Readers

You can't convince people to buy your product by showing how it will help you. You must convince them by showing how your product helps them. To do so effectively, you need to think about the needs of your audience.

The American psychologist Abraham Maslow created a pyramid that showed different levels of human need. At the bottom, you'll find basic needs: air, water, food, and so on. On the next level, you'll find needs that build on those, and so on, going up to morality, creativity, and problem solving at the top. You can use this pyramid to connect your product to the needs of your readers.

1. How does your product connect with readers' basic needs (bottom-level)?
2. How does your product connect with readers' intermediate needs (middle three levels)?
3. How does your product connect with readers' upper-level needs (top triangle)?
4. Choose three needs from the list above. For each one, write a sentence that appeals to your reader, showing how the person benefits from the product.

Writing the Beginning Paragraph

The first sentence is the lead. It should capture your reader’s interest, getting people interested in your product.

1. Ask the reader a question.

   What weighs less than a pound and could save your life?

2. Start with a story.

   After school, you walk out the door and throw on your backpack. You unlock your bike from the bike rack. Then you hop on and ride off. What’s missing from this picture?

3. Begin with an important quotation.

   "Wear a helmet now. Finish living later." That's just one slogan of many submitted to the recent Bicycle Helmet Safety Slogan Contest.

4. Make a surprising statement.

   When bike fatalaties occur, 97 percent of the time, the rider had no helmet.

Lead Sentence

Detail Sentences

Opinion Statement

Editing to Vary Sentence Beginnings

The most basic sentence starts with a subject and tells what happens to it:

Notice how plain the sentence is? One way to make sentences more interesting is to vary their beginnings. For example, you can begin a sentence with a word, phrase, or clause.

Word

Frightened, the woman ran across the street.

Phrase

Without pausing, the woman ran across the street.

Clause

Because she was frightened, the woman ran across the street.

1. Our school auditorium is too small, dark, and unpleasant. The auditorium leaks when it rains. The chairs are uncomfortable. People don’t enjoy coming to our concerts. More people might come if the auditorium were bright, clean, and comfortable. Students would enjoy performing more. It is clear we should build a new auditorium.
2. The kids in our neighborhood are often bored, and they need a safe place to hang out. They go to the fast-food restaurant on the corner after school. They spend time at the mall on weekends, but these places are not always open. These places don’t provide interesting, constructive activities. It would be a good idea to open a sports and recreation center in the neighborhood.

Revising to Answer Objections

Believe it or not, one of the most powerful ways to support your opinion is to consider the ideas of people who disagree. When you mention an opposing viewpoint, you show your reader that you have already thought about objections against your opinion. You also get the opportunity to handle the objection in one of three ways:

• Refuting the objection means showing how the opposing idea is incorrect.

  Some people say that students who have to share instruments learn patience and cooperation. Unfortunately in the past, students who share instruments have only learned that band is not for them and have dropped out.

• Addressing the objection means recognizing it is valid but has some limitations.

  Many people have suggested a fund-raiser to make money for new instruments. Though fund-raisers can be helpful, the cost of new instruments means a lot of effort to buy only a few instruments.

• Conceding the objection means saying it is a good point while at the same time stressing the importance of your position.

  Yes, every student would prefer to play a new instrument. That's true. But a used instrument is better than nothing, which is what many students currently have.

Objection 1:

Answer 1 (Refute, Address, or Concede):

Objection 2:

Answer 2 (Refute, Address, or Concede):

Objection 3:

Answer 3 (Refute, Address, or Concede):

Writing the Beginning Paragraph

The first sentence is called the lead. It should capture your reader’s attention, introducing the cause in an interesting way.

1. Ask a provocative question about the topic.

   What does a trumpet player sound like without a trumpet?

2. Start with a surprising fact or detail about the topic.

   The trumpet section of our band has ten players but only six trumpets.

3. Tell a little story about the topic.

   The first time I played my trumpet in concert, I realized I had made a friend for life.