Editing for Comma Splices

A comma splice is a sentence error that happens when you join (splice) two sentences using a comma. A comma alone is not strong enough to join two sentences. You can correct the error in one of three ways: (1) replacing the comma with end punctuation, (2) replacing the comma with a semicolon, or (3) adding a coordinating conjunction after the comma.

1. Mars shines with red and orange light, it is often called the Red Planet.
2. The Romans named Mars after their god of war, its red color reminded them of blood and war.
3. Mars is only one-half the size of Earth, the Red Planet actually has more moons than Earth.
4. Someday, astronauts will go to Mars, they will live on the planet for a while and check for signs of life.
5. Mars is much colder than Earth, the astronauts will need food and heated suits.

Editing the Punctuation of Titles

Different types of titles need different types of punctuation. Titles of shorter pieces of writing—such as short stories, articles, and poems—should be placed in quotation marks. Titles of longer pieces—such as books and magazines—should be italicized. Can you recognize the difference in these examples?

Revising to Replace General Details

If parts of your writing sound uninteresting, they may contain too many general words and details. Revise those parts by including more specific words and details. The specific details could come from the work itself or your own thinking. For example, instead of stating something is "good" or "interesting" provide details about why it is good or interesting.

• General words: After a bit, Superman got really popular.
• Specific words: After a few months, Superman's popularity erupted.

• General detail: He imagined having superpowers would finally get the attention of the girls in his class.
• Specific detail: He imagined having the power to jump over tall buildings would finally get the attention of the girls in his class.

1. Find at least two general words (good, interesting, boring) and replace them with specific words. (Ask a partner or look in a thesaurus for help.)
2. Find one general detail about the book or article, and replace it with a specific detail from the work. (Consider replacing it with something a person said or did.)

Writing the Beginning Paragraph

Your beginning paragraph should start with a lead sentence, which gets the reader interested in the book. In the next sentence or two, you should identify the title and author of the book. In the last sentence, you should state the focus or the main idea of the book.

1. Ask a question related to the work.

Have you ever wondered where superheroes come from?

2. Talk directly to your readers about the work.

It’s not every day that you learn how a superhero was born. But when you read “Superman Takes Off” by Stephen Krenzky, you sure do!

3. Introduce an interesting or suspenseful detail from the work.

One day, sometime during the Middle Ages, valuable jewels disappear from the Royal Treasury.

4. Share a feeling you have about the work.

Shipwreck at the Bottom of the World is an exciting book by Jennifer Armstrong.

The article tells about how Superman made his debut and why he, literally, took off.

Prewriting for Topics

Your first prewriting step is to choose a nonfiction work for your review. Ideally, the work is something you have recently read and enjoyed and want others to know about. Consider a memorable biography, autobiography, magazine story, newspaper story, or online article. Remember that the work needs to provide true information about a real person, place, thing, or event.

1. What is the last book or article you really enjoyed reading? Was it a true story?
2. What is your favorite book or article about a person you admire?
3. What is your favorite book or article about one of your interests or hobbies?
4. When was the last time a book or article surprised you? Did it tell a true story?

Editing for Present Tense

Writing verbs in the present tense will make your review more lively. The present tense shows that something is happening now or happens regularly. Even though you read the book in the past, you can describe things that happened in the book in the present tense.

1. Something bad (happenshappens, happened) to the main character.
2. Shiloh (cowered, cowerscowers) around people.
3. Marty and his family (livelive, lived) in West Virginia.
4. When Shiloh (ran, runsruns) away, Marty (built, buildsbuilds) him a cage.

Editing Dialogue for Quotation Marks

Dialogue uses quotation marks. These special marks go before and after the exact words of the speaker.

Periods and commas that follow the speaker’s words always go inside the quotation marks.

Question marks and exclamation marks go inside the quotation marks when they punctuation the dialogue.

Revising to Add Sensory Details

To help your story come alive, you can add details about what you saw, heard, smelled, tasted, and touched. These are called sensory details.

Sensory details help you show readers what is happening, rather than just telling them. You can collect these details in a sensory chart.

Writing the Beginning Paragraph

The first sentence in your narrative should grab the reader’s attention. It is called a lead. The following strategies will help you write an effective lead.

1. Start in the middle of the action:

   I thought I was ready when I arrived at our school’s auditorium.

2. Start with dialogue:

   “Just wait a little longer,” said my grandpa.

3. Start with an interesting fact or statement:

   When Manny came to my school, I didn’t expect to become best friends.

Lead:

Introductory Details:

Prewriting to Focus Your Ideas

Warm-Up for Personal Narratives

All of us have important times in our lives. By thinking back to these times, we understand ourselves better. By sharing these times with those we love, we become closer. This lesson will help you think about events in your life.

What Is a Narrative?

(c) Thoughtful Learning 2015

A narrative is a story. It tells something that happened, like in a book or a movie. But books and movies are not the only places to find good stories. Your experiences make great stories, too.

A personal narrative is a true story about something that happened in your life. You might share an exciting, surprising, or scary experience, like the time you went camping and saw a bear. Or you might share a moment when you learned an important lesson.

The best personal narratives include many details, helping readers feel like they are a part of the story, too. In this unit, you will write a true story from your own life in way that makes it come alive once again!

Thinking About a True Story

Before you can share a story, you need to remember all the important things that happened. Asking and answering the 5 W’s questions can activate your memory and help you record important details about your experience.

• Who was with me?
• What exactly happened?
• Where did this happen?
• When did this happen?
• Why did it happen?